Of Oceans and Sunlight
by CatnipSoup
Summary: How small a detail, the color of one's eyes, and yet I cannot discard the pain I feel to know that no matter how much like you he becomes, he will never ever be you. And how terrible is it, my beloved, that I love him still?
1. Chapter 1

**"Of Oceans and Sunlight"**

**Rating:** T  
**Universe:** Star Trek (Reboot)  
**Couple(s):** Spock Prime/Kirk Prime, SpockxUhura (as it _is_ the Reboot), Kirk/….well..you'll see.  
**Disclaimer: **  
• I owneth not Star Trek. There, happy?  
• Language and slash. ftw.

**Before Story Notes:**  
This is not going to be a happy story, there will be moments of joy (as is life), but the overall tone of this fic is somber.

-  
**_Chapter 1: "It was a long and dark December "_**

_The glittering stars, nearly a blur through the window of the ship, stretching out as far as I can see…  
The light dancing across his gorgeous skin, turning his flesh to a near cream complexion.  
He turns toward me, his hazel eyes boring into mine. "Spock….?" But his voice sounds off, there is something wrong.  
His arms stretch out toward me, the gold of his eyes liquifying with an unspoken anguish. "Tell me you love me…."  
A crash, deafening as much as it is final.  
The glass behind him cracks, and with it, his image..._

-

I awoke with a start, sitting up much faster than my muscles enable comfortably, noting how long I had until I must be out the door.

Oh, my t'hy'la, the days when I could rise without effort, when my joints ached no more than a child's…

But it is not the time to complain, I must continue with my story.

-

When I left it was raining. An incredibly cold and windy day.  
So unlike my home planet, but I could not fathom departing for this mission from anywhere but from that home of ours on Earth, filled with everything you owned and loved. A place that I could never dream of selling…

How illogical you would find I have become, and how you would smile if you could see.

Though, I would be lying...if I said I did not wish _every day_ that you could.

The seats of the shuttlecrafts have grown even more uncomfortable, or perhaps I have grown too old for the journey.

I packed lightly, as I did not plan on returning. I had my credentials, though some would have argued that they are unnecessary, and, of course, I had brought the last gift you gave me.

I wear it constantly, you know…and I watch it often.

I shut my eyes to keep the other passengers to see the 'out-of-place' look in them…the way my once deep eyes must simply reflect sadness.

"Hi~" Said a little girl, no more than six years of age. She was sitting across from me, waving her tiny hand rather sporadically. She appeared to be part Romulan, and I could not help but feel a bit more resolve for my task than I had even a moment prior.  
"Hello, miss."

-

How empty space seems now.  
And as I guided my tiny ship along it's course, I could not shake the thought that something was not at all right, that even if I were successful I, _myself_, would not get through this mission.

And I smiled.

My happiness was short lived, however, as I saw the Nova go off and engulf the very planet I had meant to protect…quite possibly filled with the loved ones of that girl I had _just seen_.  
But death…no longer phases me. And sometimes, my love, I wonder if I still feel at all.

I reached for the locket, as I do when I need strength the most, and continue on my mission.  
I still had to contain the Nova, and that would hardly be a simple task.

Everything was ready, I was in a rather perilous position but the needs of the…..

I engaged the system, and it worked.  
I believe I would have wept with joy, if I had any tears to shed, but of course..  
Just as most things in my life have become, a single victory meant so many losses.  
The black hole that opened up was stronger than I had anticipated, and the Romulan ship I had not noticed prior was steadily falling inside.

And, of course, mine was as well.

-

Is it possible to tell time…  
When there is no time to tell?

If Nero had been in this new Universe for twenty years, then was I in that empty void for those same _twenty years_?

It mattered not, he was waiting for me, and I barely stood a chance as I was placed onto Delta Vega. There is an irony to that, but I have long since forgotten why.

I wondered, of course, why he would not simply kill me..  
But as I gazed up into the sky I saw it.  
Vulcan, my beautiful Vulcan, crumbling to dust before my very eyes.

I feel a tightness in my side, and again I reach for you…A bitter smile on my face as I recall how you would have held me now, caressed my face in your hand as you told me that you loved me…and would help however you could.

The wind nipped at my face, and I knew it was time to seek shelter.

It would be cold, it would be painful, and the high snow would prove a challenge…  
But so was, and is, my life.

-

I heard it before I saw it, frantic footfalls and the roar of that odd creature I have not yet named.  
When I rise it is entirely instinctive, and I wonder now precisely why it was.

I stood before the beast, guarding the person who was sprawled so uselessly on the ground.  
The animal-_Leon-lilium drakōn*_, I have decided-deterred by the fire made a rather hasty retreat.

I sighed in relief before turning toward the man.

And may all that is the Universe help me, it was you.  
All at once I was young again, no longer with this head of grey and face of wrinkles, but the man you'd met so…so many years ago.  
As I gazed upon that beautiful face my heart soared, I had you again…My sweetest friend. "Jim..how did you find me?"  
Your face contorted to that of wariness "How do you know my name?" Of course…  
This is not the Jim I had by my side, this one is younger, fresher, I know him of course, but he does not recognize me with…this face. "I am Spock."  
His eyebrow raised, or he tried to raise it, much as you did..he took a step back, no doubt confused by my rather brief explanation. "Bullshit."

-

How long had it been, since you and I sat before a fire?  
I never dreamed that I would see you again, and to have you close enough to touch…  
To touch…

You-_He_ had begun telling me of his Universe, the way that I-my counterpart had marooned him.  
He rose, and I followed. Extending my hand to his face…to your face. To explain what had happened, to feel you again, to caress your mind with my own…  
He recoiled.

My stomach rolled over, and it felt as though I were being pulled apart. Never, in all the time I had known you, had you _ever_ denied my touch.

I reeled in the emotion that must be showing in my eyes, this was not you…not yet. He did not know me as you did, I did not explain what I had meant to do.  
I was so caught up, in the face I knew to be my lovers, that I had forgotten that it was not yet _you_ as I knew you. "A mind meld would be the most efficient way to explain,"

His eyes, which appear different by the firelight in a way I cannot yet place, were cautious still, even as he permitted my fingers to press against his psi-points.  
I felt it, and still do now when I close my eyes, the rhythm of your mind, the way it pulses uniquely..even in this strange new world. "My mind…to your mind." I heard his soft gasp at the light intrusion before delving into the cell of his thoughts.  
I tried not to wander, to pry, as I showed him the events that led to this dimensions creation but I caught a few fleeting glimpses into the way his life had unfolded. He lost his father, abused at a young age as his mother left for months at a time, spent most of his time in bars and night-clubs…And the shock of the difference made me drop my mental barriers for barely a moment, but he absorbed so much of my hidden emotions. How sad I have been for so very long, how alone I have felt since you left me, and I quickly ended the meld before he could find the source of those feelings. "My apologies. Emotional transference is a side effect of the meld."  
He looks up at me in disbelief, gasping, as his eyes watered with grief…my grief, and he walked away, hiding the fact that he was shedding my tears. "So you do feel?"  
And I felt it again, the feeling of the floor falling from beneath me, and tightened my fists as an outlet. How had the other me behaved to cause such a callous remark to come from those lips?

-

We walked together through the blizzard in the direction I knew the mining facility to be in, and I continuously fought the impulse to assist him.  
I wanted to speak with him, for I knew we were not both going to the same place, but the wind was too harsh…and I did not want to risk him turning down conversation.  
"So…you _weren't_ a douchebag in your universe?" He laughed as he said it, and I turned to him to see him smiling at me..though the details of his features were masked by the pummeling snow.  
"No," I began, and I felt the corner of my mouth tip up as I said, "I was not."  
He threw his head back in a loud, sweet laugh, totally oblivious as he stepped into a hole.  
"Crap!" He shouted as he shut his eyes to brace himself for the impact that would never come.  
I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him up with little effort. "Are you alright?"  
He stood up straight, brushing off his coat as he looked up at me with that trademark smile. "Yeah, thanks."

-

Of all the people we could have encountered, the fact that it was Scotty made me wonder if I was meant to appear when and as I did.  
And soon enough they were standing on the transporter pad, getting ready to beam aboard the Enterprise.  
As I explained him what he must do he gave me such a look as you would have, his crystalline blue….blue.  
Only now had I noticed, the consistent light from overhead showing me that his eyes were not yours. Were not the chocolate hues I had fallen in love with, but an ocean of it's own. I did not let my shock, nor my disappointment, appear upon my face.  
But when the spirals of light engulfed his body, and the last of his 'well, here we go' grin faded away. I allotted myself a small sad smile.

Even when I have you, the universe does all it can to take you away again.  
How small a detail, the color of one's eyes, and yet I cannot discard the pain I feel to know that no matter how much like you he becomes, he will never _ever_ be you.

And how terrible is it, my beloved, that I love him still?

_**To Be Continued…**_

-  
_"It was a long and dark December  
From the rooftops I remember  
There was snow, white snow"_  
- 'Violet Hill' by Coldplay

A/N:  
*_Leon-lilium Drakōn_ is Latin for Lion-lily Dragon, which, in my opinion, suits that thing just fine. I probably butchered the _hell_ out of scientific naming, so if anyone knows how to do that properly, just drop me a line xD

Each chapter is going to have it's own song, ftr...


	2. Chapter 2

**Rating:** T  
**Universe:** Reboot  
**Couple(s):** Spock Prime/Kirk Prime, SpockxUhura (as it _is_ the Reboot), Kirk/…well..you'll see.  
**Disclaimer: **  
• I owneth not Star Trek. There, happy?  
• Language and slash. ftw.

**Before Story Notes:**  
Ten points if you spot my references.

-  
**_Chapter 2: "Something Always Brings Me Back to You"_**

At my age, I suppose most would assume that I took this new Universe as an opportunity to relax.  
And, in all honesty I _had_ tried that, my mind was simply too restless to allow it.  
I had been doing the exact same thing every day on New Vulcan for exactly six months. Cataloguing.

There was a brief period when I did not know how to proceed. It was not until I contemplated why I was caught in such a torrent of stagnation, that an idea came to me.

Due to my placement inside this strange timeline, I was involve in happenings which either shifted my own Universe's around considerably or, sometimes, replaced them completely.  
It was then that I realized that political events must also be changing, and upon some small searching discovered that I was correct. Planets that were asked to join the Federation in my Universe were being approached much sooner. As such, there was not usually an ample amount of information on them, and this obviously led to conflict.

As an ambassador, I could not allow that continue.

I gave my "credentials" to the Federation, and as the recent attack left them handicapped already, they were rather eager to have my assistance.  
I did not realize just how 'short-handed' they must be until my first assignment came, just barely a week later.

I had been tasked with the simple diplomatic mission of going to Delta XIV, explaining to them that the Federation is entirely peaceful, and having them sign a treaty.

How many times had we gone on missions like these only for it to go horribly wrong?  
And worse yet, I could not bring to mind any memory of a _Delta XIV_.

Regardless, I had my orders.  
I was to report to the nearest Starbase, and wait for the designated Starship to come for me.

-

They were late.  
Four-point-sixteen hours late, to be precise.

A transmission had been sent to me some time ago, bearing some excuse of an Ion storm, though I knew there to be none in the surrounding area.

_'I must have been given the Farragut.'_

The thought annoyed me somewhat, that I would be given such a ship despite my many years of service.  
There is a great deal of pride in that sentiment, I am aware, but...what was it you had said?  
My modesty "does not bear close examination", if I am not not mistaken.

And I rarely am when remembering you.

But where was I?  
Ah, yes, the ship.

Two and a half hours later (exactly) a woman approached me with a dataPADD in hand. "Sir, a ship is here for you, they'd like to know if you would prefer a shuttlecraft or a beam up?"  
With a final look to my surroundings, I responded.

"Beam up."

Some say the feeling of your molecules slowly coming back together is too hard to explain. I must disagree.  
It is a feeling of great discomfort, as if your body were—to use a metaphor—a sweater which was being pulled apart by your threads, until completely undone, only to be put right back together in a process that takes no more than a few seconds.

The feeling opening your eyes to find that you are on the Enterprise, however, is something quite different.

"Welcome aboard, Ambassador~" He looked up at me, his icy blue eyes smiling as much as his lips, and in return, I offer him as much of a smile as I am alloted in this formal setting. "Thank you...Captain  
We were both aware of how choked the title sounded. But he, for whatever reason, never asked why. And I never told him.

As I moved to step off of the transporter pad he extended his hand to assist me, a dramatic bit of humor more than anything, and it was all I could do not to take it..not to feel him again.  
He withdrew his hand slowly, but with purpose, recognizing he must has done something considered uncouth. The look on my younger self's face was also quite a clue, I'm sure.  
"Let's get some lunch."

My younger self, affectionately dubbed "Scary Spock" by James, spoke up promptly. "Captain, if you were including me in the invitation-"  
For a moment I thought I saw hurt in those perfect eyes but his sudden grin put me at ease. "Nah, you're no fun anyway. Come on, Ambassador."

-

I was caught somewhere between elation and unease when he led me to what would have been 'our' table.  
Though my emotions took a decided flip toward elation when I realized that in our own time, Jim, it had been I who'd chosen it.

"So," He began, eating his lunch of a simple salad for my stomachs benefit. "How's life on New Vulcan? Score with any young Vulcan ladies?"

And, thus, his selfless decision with his meal was rendered moot.

"No, my job entails mostly cataloguing, filing, nothing so..."  
"Hands on?" He must have noticed the lack of amusement on my face, because his grin faded _very_ quickly. "I was just kidding, sorry. I mean, Vulcans only mate with one person right?* And I'm sure you've already...Well...yeah. Right?"

"I would rather speak of something else." My tone was sharp, a quality it had never had with him before. He didn't press further, and yet. was in no way deterred from my company.

"How about a game of chess?"

Such warmth spread through me at the prospect, that I had completely forgotten what he had brought up only moments before...  
And it was many hours later before that I realized how significant that piece of knowledge he had brought up was.

"Yes..James."

_**To Be Continued…**_

-  
_Something always brings me back to you,  
And it never takes too long._ - 'Gravity' by Sara Bareilles  
-

A/N:  
No. I'm not saying that Vulcan can only have sex with one person, especially considering extreme and sudden cases of Pon Farr can happen before a spouse is available, I'm simply saying that doesn't mean that they can't marry someone else later.

But when they do take a _bondmate_, it becomes a whole other ball-game. I'm sure they still _can_ have sex outside of the marriage, but why would they want to? A bondmate is decided, when they themselves choose, when there is a perfect match of body, mind, and spirit. So another partner isn't necessary.

As for Pon Farr, as you all are probably still vomiting at the prospect of Spock Prime _having to_ "score with any young Vulcan ladies", I'm sure the cycle dies with the partner.

Long winded A/N is long winded,  
Kitchan.


End file.
